These last couple weeks at church we have been discussing family values. One of the verses I have always been fond of or intrigued by is Ephesians 5:22, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”

This verse on its own brings so much controversy. Whenever it is spoken there are gasps or an abundance of “yeah right” laughter. I have never really understood what the big deal was. I get it, I am not the most seasoned wife on the block, but I find so much joy in allowing my husband to serve in his God given role. I see Nick as the leader of our household and I find beauty in the structure of our home being as God intended it to be. Sometimes I feel like our culture has redefined marriage in so many ways, taking out the mutual respect for one another or the biblical principles.

I like to think of our home as the modern Christian home. We both work full-time jobs, so there aren’t household tasks that are assigned more heavily to one or the other. We help one another by doing the laundry, the dishes, cleaning, etc. It isn’t “just the wife’s job” or “just the husband’s job”.I wonder if this is why there is so much controversy over this verse. Is it because the idea of the verse seems to make the wife seem weak and the husband more powerful? Maybe it is misinterpreted as a wife giving up her “rights” in the home? I am still trying to figure out why the verse gets so much resistance.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand in some homes there is an unequal amount of respect between a couple. That’s a greater problem that I am unable to speak on.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” does not mean women aren’t allowed a voice in their home. “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord” doesn’t mean women are not allowed to lead in other areas of life. It most certainly doesn’t mean one person is more powerful than the other or that a wife is “weak”.

Following God’s word and building a home

Personally I view it as an everyday choice to follow God’s word and build a home as God intended it to be. Following this teaching and allowing my husband to be the leader of our home doesn’t make me any less of a strong-willed woman. I see it as an opportunity to manifest respect and love in our home.

Candace Cameron Bure (DJ from Full House) said it perfectly, “I’d rather be viewed as weak to the world because I’m submissive to my husband, than be weak in the Lord because I submit to the views of the world.”

I pray wives can stop seeing “wives submit to your husbands” as a terrible thing, but instead as an opportunity to further God’s Kingdom and teachings.

Though I may fail at times, I put great emphasis on the wife I am to Nick. Not just for him or myself, but for our children as well.

Here are 5 things I try to remember when it comes to respecting my husband and building our home –

1. Encourage and lift up.

   One of my main focuses is to ensure that I encourage Nick every single day. I write him notes whenever possible thanking him for what he does for our family and calling out his strengths. It doesn’t have to be fancy. A post-it note in his lunch or a random text throughout the day.
   

2. Watch my tongue in mixed company.

   Be a wife who encourages and doesn’t break down. In our society, it’s easy to jump on the bandwagon of jokes when it comes to the relationship between a husband and wife. I’ve been guilty of jumping on the bandwagon myself at times. Our culture tends to poke fun at marriage as being some torturous experience. We joke that the husband does nothing or makes things difficult while the wife keeps it all together. While in some homes this may be true, highlighting weaknesses definitely isn’t the best way to change the circumstances. 
   I think it is important as wives to lift our husbands up, especially in mixed company. Mixed company (well ever, really) isn’t the time to mock or point out weaknesses in my husband. Embarrassing my husband for a laugh is especially not something I, or he for that matter find joy in.

3. Serve him whenever possible

   That should read “serve him whenever possible…. and when you don’t ‘feel like it'”. 🙂 I get it, some days most days life gets so busy. We are running between jobs, errands, household chores, and our family. But it is the little things in service to one another that add up. Turn on the Kuerig and brew his cup of coffee. Put away his shoes, take his dish when he is finished, pack his lunch. There are so many things you can do for your husband, even if they are small things. If you are struggling, I will be sharing my list of 30 acts of random kindness for your husband Monday, so don’t forget to subscribe at the end.

4. Figure out his love language

   Have you learned yours and your husband’s love language yet? If you haven’t read The 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend this book. An even simpler way of finding each other’s love language is to take the quiz here. After taking the profile quiz years ago, I learned that my primary love language is “words of affirmation”. More importantly I learned that Nick’s primary love language is “acts of service”.
   Before this quiz I thought what made my feel loved, words of affirmation, would be the same thing that made Nick feel loved. Errrrrrr, WRONG!! For Nick actions speak louder than words and for me affirming words are what give me warm and fuzzies.
   

5. Pray!

   One word that can change so many things. It sounds so simple that word “pray”. When you really think about it though, when is the last time you actual spoke words to God praying for the wellbeing of your husband? Consider taking the time each morning to just pray specifically for your husband. For his health, for his safety, for his job. Most days I pray Nick is given the right words to use when he is leading at his job. I of course pray for his health and safety. I pray that I find ways to continue to show him love and respect.
   One of the best books I read as a newly wed was The Power of a Praying Wife. The book walks you through how to pray for the different areas of your husbands life. His spiritual walk, his emotions, his role as a leader, his security in work, his physical protection, and his faith and his future. I felt like if I didn’t have this book I’d be aimlessly praying for Nick and missing prayers for key areas of his life.
   As wives one of the greatest gifts we can give our husbands is the gift of prayer. Service, knowing a love language, respect, all of it is important but nothing holds more power than asking God to have His hand on our husbands.

   Marriage is a beautiful thing and the journey together requires a lot of flexibility. Marriage pushes us to grow as individuals which in turn makes us grow as a couple.

Naturally I love to lead people, but I also love to be an encourager. In our home I find that my greatest joy comes from being the encourager. I enjoy building our home around love, peace, and joy.

God has wired us women to help our husbands succeed and feel blessed. There is no greater position in life than helping our husbands fulfill and become who God has made them to be.

“Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.” – Ephesians 5:22

I know it isn’t the most popular message and I realize there are some marriages where these principles won’t apply. Marriages where a wife honors her husband, but he is mean-spirited or unloving. But on the large scale, I believe it’s the glue that can keep a marriage together even though trials.

On Monday I will be sharing 30 acts of kindness for your husband. If you would like the post straight to your email OR if you enjoy my posts, consider subscribing and getting them straight to your email.

All photos taken by Revik Photography, Southern California based photographer.