I’m currently starting to write this blog post from a spin bike at the gym. It’s 3:00pm in the afternoon and way outside my routine. Normally, if only make my way to the gym around 6 in the morning. Before work, before the rush of gym goers, & with enough hours in the day to allow my pre-workout to burn off.

So why am I here and WHY am I writing this post? Well, because I have a lot of heartache about the reason why I’m here at 3:00PM. In no way do I regret being here. In fact, I’m happy I’m here because I truly is one step closer to my goals. However, like everyone else, I’m sometimes motivated by things that don’t deserve my energy. It’s necessary to acknowledge that I am here not because I WANT to, but because I feel obligated to.

I’m pretty open about preaching women empowerment and self development. It’s my main purpose in life, to empower other women to find the beauty in themselves and live life with intention.

I’m here today, later than usual because of an insecurity someone brought up in me yesterday by telling me “Woah, you better get to the gym!”. Insecurity central, right? A little history, if you haven’t read, last week we adopted a new dog. Basically we adopted a new routine. Leading up to last week, I’ve found myself lost in personal development in the morning. Strengthening my faith, reading books, enjoying some time to reflect. I will admit, my gym attendance has been anything but consistent, but some days I become lost in reading. Before I know it, it’s time to get ready for work and the gym doesn’t fit my schedule that day. My inner mean girl has done a lot of negative self talk about “you should be at the gym? You have failed.”

Yesterday I was told, after a reference to my bottom, that I better get to the gym. Another woman told me this and I’ll tell you the last 24 hours have left me in a tailspin. Why?!

Well, because I’ve already beat myself up a little for the lack of consistently getting to the gym. I didn’t need another critic, my inner mean girl does enough of that for me. Why did it bother me so much, is the real question? Welp, because it immediately surfaced that “I’m not good enough” inner mean girl. I’m finding my balance and while I haven’t totally mastered it yet, I was comfortable with the give and take. Until yesterday!

There’s a reason I write this post from a spin bike in the gym. The reason is to ask YOU a question I’m having to ask myself, who decides your worth?! Words have the power of life or death, remember that before you answer this question.

Really… Who are we allowing to take so much energy from us based on their negativity and judgment? Let’s take the passive route. Maybe let’s call it a “harmless joke”. We tend to do that a lot in our current culture, brush off the adult mean girl words as “just a joke”. Ever been there? Ever heard someone justify their negativity as a “joke”. That “joke” can sometimes impact our whole day… Our whole week… Our whole lives! WORDS create a cycle of insecurity, self doubt, unhealthy obsession, hurt, you name it, WORDS can cause more harm if used irresponsibly.

WORDS can also leave us empowered, inspired, motivated, and change lives. WORDS, when used responsibly can give LIFE!!

I want to point out what it means to be empowering… What it means to be a part of a movement our world desperately needs! It means, lifting people up! Lifting people up with positive reinforcement, not snarky”jokes” or negative, passive comments. It means empowering other women to continue on the quest to finding their best selves.

So I ask again, who decides your worth?! I’m thinking as I write… God and I decide my worth FIRST! My God created me in HIS image. He doesn’t look and me and say “Wow, Anna, booty is getting a little deflated! Better up the squats and protein!” He looks at me and says, ” My Daughter, I’m so proud you’re working to become a more faithful, empowered you!”.

I’ve been HERE before, guys! I’ve spent months… Maybe even years KILLING myself in the gym to create an image that was acceptable to someone else. Former perfectionist. I’ve given up sleep, become obsessive over an “ideal body”… An idea body defined by someone else. I have sought out validation from other humans almost my entire life. Smart enough, fit enough, strong enough, liked enough. I have been there! When really, God is who decides my “enough”, it’s up to me to live His purpose for my life.

This doesn’t mean I don’t love the gym, exercise, or having confidence in my physique. What I’m saying is, I LOVE self acceptance. I LOVE women who can make a decision about what is more important at any given moment. Some days reading a book is more important than a calorie burned. Sometimes a cupcake with a friend, is more important than worrying about what it will do to my butt. Some days, finding your own balance means learning a new routine. I’m here to say, stand up against the adult bullying and instead build one another up.

Be supportive. In our world, we need MORE women to lock arms together and fight for discovery, not destruction. Who CARES what YOU think I look like in pants… We’ve become so concerned about what “she” looks like in pants or that top… Or what “she” should or shouldn’t be wearing on her vacation… Or what “she” decides to do as a career goal. Be the change and stop the criticism. Cheer her on! Use words responsibly. You don’t have to understand it. You might not even believe in it… But we need to shift our thoughts and words to say “you go, sister! You dream as big as you want! You be who God has called you to be! Let’s change the world!”

22 min on a spin bike and a whole lot of my heart left lying on this blog post! Be the change you wish to see in the world, Sister! Life is too short to judge and criticize. Let’s empower one another and support one another! Amen?!
Xo, AP